HATE: BrokeNCYDE. They suck.

Okay I've discussed a lot of things that I'm pretty fond of here. So how happy was I when I found a band that I can unashamedly hate on? I wasn't happy damn it, not this time. I wasn't happy at all, because this band is the fucking perfect storm of everything that makes a music act worthless. It's as if they're a band from an episode of some tween show on Nickelodeon, and in a godless experiment they became real, and then in an even more godless society they were somehow launched from being small-potatoes douchebags to being slightly-larger-small-potatoes, semi-professional douchebags. I want to barf so hard that I die. This particular horrible piece of turd is called BrokeNCYDE. I will now stop stylizing their name, out of disrespect. Brokencyde looks like this:They vogue from time to time, apparently. They have names like Phat J and Se7en (Get it? There's totally a 7 in there).

So I imagine that the aforementioned experiment goes like this: you basically kidnap the girls from Millionaires and convince them that they are thirteen year-old boys. Then, you teach them how to objectify women and worship every brainless trend that they themselves will be used to aggressively market to middleschool scenesters everywhere. Don't worry about writing songs right now, it's really easy. Right now you need to get a LOT of flourescent shirts and sneakers, and a couple hair stylists on retainer. For continuity, your hair should also be flourescent. Your wepages too.
So to write a "song" for these guys, you take an intro to a Lil' Jon song and you repeat it. Over and over again. Hell, keep some of the original lyrics too, just turn the stupid on them way up. Yeah, have them talk about getting crunk and fucking a lot... No, sure it's not creepy that they all look almost pre-sexual, go right ahead. Anytime one of you isn't autotuning yourself to fuck and back, have half of your band scream the same lyrics. No, have them scream lamer than that, like a Miley Cyrus superfan/housewife doing an impression of "that music you like, can't even understand". Better. Okay now to put a beat together real quick, you got some fake scratch sounds? Sweet.

This band is accused of being part of what I fervently hope is the short-lived genre of crunkcore. That this kind of shit is common enough to be named with a genre is nothing but a tragedy. So here I am, telling all of you, don't tell anyone about this horrible band. No more people need to know about them. This is a shell of art, empty of meaning and of such warped irony that it wraps all the way around again to taking itself seriously.

It's bad, you guys. It's just bad.